the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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