I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
i think im in europe. pls send help
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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