i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
