Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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