Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
being pregnant is like rehab
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
