We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
