the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel