i think my tv is drunk
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.