My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina