He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
