she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
