I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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