we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
