totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
