I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
