so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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