mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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