New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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