I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
