I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
