I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
