he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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