I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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