$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
