I wish my penis had an off switch
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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