I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
