im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
You ate ashes out of my bong
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
