I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
