I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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