You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
