I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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