Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Randomize
