WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
