hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
