garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
