"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
