Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
