She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Randomize
