Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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