was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
