There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Randomize
