Nicole vs. Life
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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