I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
