Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
