HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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