just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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