Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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