I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
