So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
He felt like a one man threesome
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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