Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
