the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
