Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
