He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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