she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
