i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
