I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Randomize
