She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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