Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
