WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
