I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
