I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
