Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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