Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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