How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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